Self-Care

When I first looked into the phenomena known as “self-care”, I was pumped. Who doesn’t want a reasoning behind more bubble baths, a glass of wine after work, or a $60 candle? I quickly got carried away in the practice. Paying $150 for a Hydrafacial? SELF-CARE! Taking a yoga class where a sweaty man literally sat on my back and told me to breathe through my chakra? SELF-CARE (also kind of gross)! Brunch at 3pm on a Sunday and binging “The Office” for the rest of the day? SELF-CARE!

I found myself doing more things that I enjoyed, and I liked putting an emphasis on “me time”. But I was perplexed when I didn’t find myself feeling more valued, or more at peace with myself. I felt pretty much the same, but with better skin and more flexible limbs.

I was making a homemade clay-drink creation (if you value your insides, don’t do this) when I started thinking: maybe my self-care isn’t just outward action, but internal practices I had long left behind. I decided to carefully study myself over the next few days and observe my own internal thoughts and how they materialized in my life.

I was about four hours into this exercise when I couldn’t ignore what was happening. My negative self-talk was through the roof. Just about everything I did, I attached a personal, negative emotion to it. When I tried to get up from the couch and felt a little gimpy, I scolded myself for not working out more. When I checked Twitter for the 6th time that day, I mentally noted how lazy and unmotivated I was. When I got dressed, I frowned in the mirror, knowing I wouldn’t ever look like the long-legged girl I saw on Instagram that morning. Even when I was eating lunch, I thought “take smaller bites you animal!!!”. It’s like a judgey Italian Grandmother was living in my head, commenting on my every move.

I noticed over the next few days how prevalent negative self-talk was in my life. It hindered how my day went, how I felt about myself, how I interacted with others. I was the Regina George of my own brain. The way I spoke to myself was unkind, judgmental and showed no signs of gentleness. I realized no matter how much self-care I practiced, none of it mattered, because I didn’t really care about my inner self, and how it was being looked after.

Self-care is many things. It is laying down for a bit when you’re feeling anxious and tired. It’s choosing to stay in and put some clay on your face. It’s spending an afternoon at the library, with you and only you. It’s calling a friend for a good laugh. There are so many ways to slow down, and check in with yourself. But no mud-mask in the world can hide the effects of negative self-talk. Why do we allow our inner voice be so mean? Is it because we feel unworthy of the kindness we so willingly give to others? If another person spoke to me the way I spoke to myself, they would be gone faster than this $6 Lavender Blueberry scone I’m eating in the spirit of LOVING MYSELF.

It’s true that I never feel fresher than after I’ve spent a day at the spa, having my muscles pounded into the ground, lounging around guzzling cucumber water. I speak to myself like a damn goddess when my limbs are sprawled out on a daybed, taking another sip of my Oolong tea. I usually enter the week calmer, with more confidence. But what if I could mentally check myself into my spa-safe-haven every morning, choosing to speak to myself with kindness? For starters, I would save a ton of money. For the past few weeks, every time I went to negatively speak to myself, I refrained, and rephrased. Instead of “You didn’t get to the grocery store today, you’re so lazy”, I would check in and say “I did not make the grocery store a priority today. I did some other really productive things instead”. Or one of my brain’s classics: “you will never look as effortlessly gorgeous as that girl on Instagram”, I will take a second to remind myself “her beauty does not take away from my own.”

It’s been a real challenge to reshape the way I think, and it’s something I work on every day. Self-care can present itself in a multitude of ways. I love buying a luxe face mask I’ve been saving up for or lighting a new candle. But I will not allow companies to capitalize on my need to love myself, if I truly cannot achieve that on the inside. I’ve got a long way to go- and I know I can’t totally get rid of that Italian Grandma living in my head. But instead of a judgey one, I’m trading her in for one that always tells me I need to eat more, grabs my face and tells me how lovely I am.

I Went to Paris and All I Got was 1000 French Beauty Products

Bonjour!!...From a café 2 blocks from my house, where I am pretending to still be in Paris. Armed with a double espresso and a pastry probably meant for two, I’m taking an inventory of all the beauty products I picked up while I was abroad. I was in Paris for work, having very little time to myself. So when I showed up at City Pharma at 8:30am, laminated list in-hand, with only an hour to get it all done, I was ready to rage.

City Pharma is essentially God’s gift to earth- or at least to tourists. It’s a large pharmacy stocked with all the best brands, at a fraction of what we would pay in the U.S.  When I arrive up 10 minutes before open, hopped up on caffeine and carbs, there was already a line forming. What I found when the doors open could only be described as beautiful, organized chaos. Caudalie, La Roche Posay, Klorane, rows and rows of all French beauty staples that are nearly impossible to get here at home. I saw multiple people combing through their own lists, strategizing what we could get through TSA.

I quickly filled a basket to the brim, high off the thrill of inexpensive prices of my favorite beauty, or just way too buzzed from the double espresso. I also found many new favorites-in-training, thanks to the advice of a few experts I enlisted from my Instagram. City Pharma was pretty overwhelming, so I wanted to share my finds today to ensure you don’t find yourself crying in the Caudalie aisle. Unless it’s tears of joy- then we’re on the same page here.

Caudalie Vinoperfect Radiance Serum

A creamy, refreshing serum meant to help brighten skin and treat dark spots. I’ve found that Vitamin C serums have really helped with my acne scarring and overall skin-brightness. This one contains"viniferine", which is said to be even more effective than Vit C.  I apply in the morning after washing my face and it feels like what coffee feels like to my soul, but for my face. It’s the little luxuries, people!

*It is $79 here in the U.S....I paid the equivalent of $32 at City Pharma.

Caudalie Overnight Detox Oil

I bought this for the first time a few months ago, and have been using it religiously every night. After about a month, I noticed my skin was smoother, more even-toned, even a little redness around my nose had dulled. I wake up feeling dewy and plump, and possibly a little drowsy because I had to take a melatonin at 2am after spending all night thinking of how horses sit. ANYWAY- it’s the real deal, and about half the price in France. I stocked up.

*Paid $50 at Sephora originally, $27 at City Pharma. Caudalie is insanely less expensive in France, I highly recommend stocking up on this brand.

Embryolisse Lait-Creme Concentrate

This was the #1 suggestion from my Instagram outreach. It’s essentially in the makeup bag of every makeup artist, as this cream is praised as the perfect primer & moisturizer. I can now attest that this is true. I have been applying right before my makeup, and it creates a smooth, supple base for product. I really enjoy using it on its own too, after I shower and am just lounging around the house. It’s extremely hydrating and light, and suddenly gives me the urge to turn on French coffeehouse music and light a cigarette. Don’t worry mom, I WON’T!

Bioderma Hydrabio H20

Duh. I use as a makeup remover and it gets every last bit of it off, leaving my face smooth and fresh feeling. Incredibly inexpensive, wonderfully luxurious. Like my feelings, my skin is extremely sensitive, so I use the one with the blue lid.

Klorane Dry Shampoo

This is something I had bought in the States previously, but when I saw the significantly-less price tag in the Pharmacie ($10 here vs. $3, I grabbed a few bottles. You can’t go wrong here, it’s a great dry shampoo.

Klorane Smoothing & Relaxing Eye Patches

I live for an eye patch moment. Waking up and throwing a pair on my tired, puffy eyes is very much near the top of my favorite hobbies list. Eye patches can be really expensive, considering you typically use them once. These cooled my tired, jet lag eyes at a very nice price ($10 for 7 sets).

Nuxe Dry Body Oil

This seemed to be on display everywhere and a friend had asked me to pick her up a bottle. I got one for myself and now I wish I had filled an entire suitcase with it. A silky, smooth, luxurious dry body oil that comes in a PUMP! No more messy-hands, spilling it all over the place. It smells like a fancy vacation and makes skin supple and glowy. Use any remainder on your hands on the ends of your hair. 

Hexomedine

When I got home from Paris, I had this weird red little bump under my chin. I applied this with a q-tip and by morning, it had almost disappeared completely. Touted as a staple for the French, it is an antiseptic for acne. If I have a stubborn zit, I’ll just put a little bit on and then hydrate the area. It’s extremely drying, so only use once a day if necessary!

*This product will be behind the counter, you’ll have to ask a pharmacist for it! Thanks Google Translate app!!!

*P.P.S- I think it’s rude to ask French people if they speak English. You are in their home, after all! Try “I’m sorry, I don’t speak French” first and see how they respond.

Homeoplasmine

Your chapped lips need this, trust me. Insanely hydrating and healing. I can’t remember fully because I was drunk with power at the time, but this may have to be asked for from behind the counter as well. Perfect for chapped lips, itchy or irritated skin!

Avène Thermal Spring Water

An absolute staple, the perfect skin-refresher. I stocked up on travel sizes for my purse, car and desk. I sweat a lot, okay?

Nuxe Reve de Miel Ultra-Nourishing Lip Balm

Another recommendation from a friend, this applies like sheer butter on your lips. I keep it on my nightstand and put on a few coats right before bed. This + my pimple pads bedtime look probably gives Mike nightmares. The price of beauty, baby!!

Le Petit Marseillais (Bar Soaps)

 I picked up a few of these as gifts. They’re inexpensive, and the scents are luscious and fresh.

Above all, the thing that Paris taught me is that beauty really lies within. JUST KIDDING! I carefully curated this list through research and recommendation, I did enough sweaty laps around the pharmacy to definitely categorize it as exercise. Now with my face coated in vitamin C, freshly sprayed with mineral water, I’ll be getting back to my never-ending carb-fest. VIVE LA FRANCE!

Mask On, Mask Off.

It was a wise, wise man who once said “Get a hobby!!!!!”- it was my husband, and I think he said it to me when I finished all re-runs of "The O.C." in one week. Little did he know, my hobby would become skincare & masking, and I could do it all while re-watching the Chrismukkah episode. Take that!

I’ve tried many masks, some good, some bad, some smelly, some making me look like a straight-up serial killer in the night. But I found myself coming back to the same five masks every time, keeping them on rotation for my skin-needs at that moment. I thought I would share with you all today my holy grail of face masks, which is not to be taken lightly! I’ve tried a ton, and somehow these five have survived the test of time, which is more than I can say for my violin hobby, my drawing hobby, and even my horseback riding hobby (didn’t end well, don’t want to talk about it).

1. Glossier Moisturizing Moon Mask- $22

This has been my ride-or-die mask for a few years now. I do it at least once a week, preferably before an event or on a lazy morning. I am addicted to how this mask makes my skin look. I call it “Botox in a bottle” (NOT IN A BOTTLE BUT I MAKE MY OWN RULES), because it tightens, firms up and moisturizes all in 20 minutes. It also just feels incredible on your face. When I fly long distances, I put it on mid-flight and let it soak in like moisturizer.

Hot Tip! Put it in the fridge for the ultimate masking-experience.

2. Tata Harper Resurfacing Mask- $58

Sometimes my skin goes into a meltdown more epic than a 6th grader at Hollister trying to cop a pair of jeans from their mom (me, that 6th grader was me). It needs serious work, but I don’t have time for or can’t afford a professional facial. This Tata Harper mask gives me almost the same results. It’s like a refresh button for your face. It helps me to get rid of little bumps, calm acne, and get my skin glowing again. Expensive price tag, but you’ll spend just as much on a new candle! No? That’s just me? Got it.

3. Kiehl’s Rare Earth Cleansing Masque- $30

This is it ladies and gentlemen- a mask so good- that it got my husband into the masking game. Refreshing, purifying and effective. 86% of my summers are spent in this mask, because after .2 second of being outside and getting sweaty, this mask makes me feel clean again. On occasion, I do get a small breakout after using, because it’s bringing things to the surface. But for the most part, it helps balance my skin and unclog my pores.

4. Dr. Jart Water Replenishment Sheet Mask- $7.50

The first time I did a sheet mask, I hid behind a door and waited to scare Michael (here’s those serial killer vibes!!). He ended up working late so I sat behind that door for a long time, but on the upside my skin looked UNREAL after. This mask has become my post-travel ritual. It restores all moisture to your face, leaving it plump and glowy.

Another hot tip- save the packaging to use the leftover serum as night cream the next day!

5. Pixi Glow-O2 Oxygen Mask- $24

Sometimes I come home from work and have so much to do (or just need to take a nap, it’s usually the nap), there is simply no time to sit down with a 20-minute mask. This is just as powerful, in less than half the amount of time. The directions say to leave it on for 2 minutes, but I leave it on for about 5 minutes- rules are made to be broken, baby. This stuff is a miracle. I wake up in the morning with bright, even skin. I really can’t believe the difference it makes overnight, it feels like it breathes new life in to your face. Major pay off with minimal work- the ideal face mask and also my resume objective!

So here’s to starting off 2018 with your best face forward! Unless you go out and drink your weight in $6 bottles of champagne this weekend. You get a pass for a few days.

Cuts & Colors: A Hair-story.

Long, long ago, in a bathroom in Wisconsin, a toxic relationship with my hair was born. As my mother cut my bangs (Bless you mom but, NO), I took notice of my Alfalfa-style cowlick, my thin locks, and their incredible ability to get greasy a few mere hours after washing. I’ve struggled with my hair for years, never finding quite the right cut or style. It wasn’t until I met my usual stylist, Anthony ( @ Antonino Salon, book your appointment now because he is so good it takes a few good weeks to get in!)  a few years back, that I finally felt comfortable and confident with my hair. I also stopped using children’s shampoo, so I guess that doesn’t hurt either.

Today I wanted to share who helped me make hair-story with my locks:

THE CUT: Ryan Cotton, Village Parlor Detroit

I had been growing my hair out long for the wedding, and I actually liked my cut. Anthony never put layers in my hair, making it appear thicker and fuller. But I was feeling desperate for a change. I hadn’t cut my hair anywhere near short since middle school, when the stylist at JR’S Kutz for KidZ told me that “the boys will love short hair!!” (spoiler alert: NOPE!). I knew if I went to my beloved Anthony, I wouldn’t want him to do anything different, so for this cut, I had to venture out. My first and only call was to Village Parlor Detroit.

I’ve been following Village Parlor, and its founder, Ryan Cotton, on Instagram since they announced their Detroit location. I was enthralled with Ryan’s talent, the way he cut and styled hair, it always looked so cool and carefree. Now something to know about me- I’m pretty low-maintenance when it comes to my hair. And that’s not out laziness. I am so awful at doing my own hair, I feel I should have to have permit for my curling wand. I blow-dry my hair and go and that’s what works best for me. I expressed to Ryan that my hair needed to allow for this, but I still wanted something cool and chic. He told me I could definitely lose a few inches and add in some “invisible layers” in the front, giving my hair more movement and body. Sold.

Ryan took his time cutting my hair, he is a perfectionist, which is exactly what you want in a stylist. He even stopped for a moment to remove a spot from his mirror- I knew then that I was in the right hands. Everything about Village Parlor felt like a celebration of being in Detroit. Ryan is originally from the Lansing-area, but has been in New York for the past 16 years. He moved back to Detroit to open his own salon, and be a key part of the city’s comeback. He revives not just your locks, but is reviving the city as well. I left with shorter, bouncier, healthier feeling hair- and a new friend!

THE COLOR: Kevin Styles, Luigi Bruni Salon

I spoke about Kevin in my last wedding post-we hit it off right away when I daringly went to him to put about 2 pieces of balayage in my hair about 4 years ago. I had never had color in my hair before, except for a few bad box-jobs on my college living room floor. I kept going back to Kevin, a true master, going subtly darker, lighter, and a few of shades in-between. I never once left disappointed, but feeling beautiful, empowered, and quite at peace (Kevin is essentially my therapist as well). He hand paints on your color, making it look natural, and NEVER like a 2000 Kelly Clarkson.

So after I got my cut from Ryan, I knew I wanted some new color match my new cut. I went darker in college- and I still feel scarred by the smell of that $9.99 box dye. I found that darker hair washed me out and made me look like an extra in a “My Chemical Romance” video (which really isn’t a bad thing, Black Parade forever!!!!). So I decided I would test the waters by going blonde-ish. I say “-ish” because I think it is a common misconception that you can just walk into a salon and take your brunette locks to blonde in one hour, for less than $200. BABY STEPS! I showed Kevin my hair-spiration, and he was feeling the vibes. He went to work for over 2 hours, hand painting on every piece, while letting me air out all my drama and problems. We sipped tea while giving the tea (ask me what this means later, mom!). When all was said and done, I turned to the mirror to see natural looking, golden honey locks, intertwined with my natural color. I love how it turned out-I feel fresh and uplifted, at a time of year I usually want to hide under the covers with fuzzy socks and a heating blanket (will still do this, will just feel better doing it).

If you’re thinking about doing something new with your ‘do, here’s my advice: the great thing about hair is that it grows back, it’s changeable, and underneath it all, we all have the same egg-shaped bald ass heads. Your identity doesn’t lie in your hair or your skin or your makeup. It lies in who you are and how you treat people- but a bomb hair style/color doesn’t hurt.   So while I don’t know if blondes or brunettes (or redheads!) have more fun, I do know it is the girl who surrounds herself with good people who are passionate about her work, who is the happiest.